Of course we all set positive expectations of ourselves, but did you know we set negative ones also? Every time you say “Oh, I could never do that,” or “Above my pay grade,” or “I’m no good at . . .” you’re setting–and reinforcing–your negative image of yourself. How will you ever try something if you’ve already made up your mind that, for one reason or another, you’re going to fail at it, or not be very good at it?

Often, these stories come from our past; a chance comment we overheard, or a belief that was nurtured as a child. For example, I’ve always believed I couldn’t sing. This notion developed directly from my mother, unintentionally on her part, I’m sure. And to this day, I don’t sing. At least not where anyone might hear me. (Although I’ve been known to sing along with the radio at the top of my lungs when driving, especially on long trips.) I’ve even considered taking singing lessons, but that old tale is so deeply rooted in me that I have never followed up on it.

You wouldn’t think this not-singing would be a big deal, but it’s amazing how often it crops up. For example, I frequently beat myself up because I can’t/won’t sing. I call myself a coward for not trying. I look at people who aren’t afraid to sing out loud in public, and I’m envious. Even when I’m at a concert where everyone else is singing, I’ll mouth the words, or sing very, very softly, under my breath. I’ve skipped parties because I knew there would be karaoke and I’d be expected to take the mike. I’ve never chimed in on “Happy Birthday.” I’ve never joined any kind of singing group or choir.

Rationally, I know that it’s not that big a deal. I know there are people who are (probably) just as bad as I am who do sing out loud, in public, and no one cares. But I just can’t get past the old, old story of “I can’t sing.” And as every year goes by, and I continue to believe in this negative expectation of myself, well, it just gets deeper and deeper, and more and more ingrained.

So will I bite the bullet and sing this year? Probably not. I’ve got too many other things I’m trying to do; things that are less scary, things that are easier, and things that matter more to me. Losing those 10 - 15 pounds comes to mind, as does the continued effort to get my office back on track. Singing doesn’t even make it to the top ten of my priorities. But I have to ask myself: is that a real evaluation of its importance, or is that fear (and Gremlins) talking?

This entry was posted on Monday, February 4th, 2008 at 1:00 am and is filed under Life Musings, Weekly Challengers. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.