By the time you get this, I’ll be staggering around Dublin in a daze, trying to recover from jet lag. The Amazing Charlotte is keeping the home fires burning and tending to the technical details of the Muse Empire (which is what we jokingly call my collection of four websites). So if you have any technical challenges or questions or anything else—or just want to say “Hi” and “Thank you” to her, you can reach her at Charlotte@manageyourmuse.com. After all, without Charlotte you wouldn’t be receiving the Weekly Challengers every week.

So who do you have in your life who keeps things running smoothly? Who is the person you can rely on when you need back up? Make a point of thanking that person this week. Without them life would be much, much harder.

This time next week I’ll be in Ireland for a three-week trip with my parents. They’re on either side of 80, and if I don’t do this now, with them, I might never be able to do it.

Yes, it’s going to be dreadfully expensive. Yes, I can’t really afford the time. Yes, it’s scary and stressful and a hassle. (I hate flying, and this trip will involve three flights and over 18 hours of travel time.) But sometimes there comes a time when you just can’t wait for the conditions to be perfect, or you’ll never do it. You just have to bite the bullet and go for it anyway.

What have you been putting off until the time was right and the conditions favorable? Take out that dream or idea and dust it off. Don’t wait too much longer—because the time will never be right, and the conditions will never be favorable unless you make them so. And you make them so by just deciding to do it anyway.

Summer is winding down. School is about to start up again, if it hasn’t already. I remember when I was growing up that going back to school was always an exciting adventure. I’d get to see friends I hadn’t seen all summer. I’d have new teachers, new challenges. (Needless to say, I was one of those kids who actually liked school—until I reached high school, that is.) And perhaps best of all, I’d have a new set of school supplies.

I loved new school supplies—new pencils, erasers that weren’t grubby and black, and a whole box of crayons, with none broken, none missing, the paper around them still intact. What couldn’t I create with a new box of crayons?

This week, do yourself a favor. Go out and buy yourself a box of crayons and some paper, or a coloring book. (No, I’m not getting a kickback from Crayola. I wish!) Make the grass red, the sky orange, the hippopotamus purple. Draw a fantastic flying flower or a dancing fish. Spend some time just having fun, being a child again.

The last attitude about experience that I want to explore is:

If everyone else has had this experience, how come I haven’t?

Sometimes I think this one is left over from grade school: “But everyone else is going. Why can’t I?”

Although we may be older (but not always wiser), we still feel that way on occasion: as though everyone else has gone to Italy for vacation, or bought a new car, or is having a party. Then we feel left out because we aren’t doing it. Yet down that path lies that evil green snake of jealousy and envy.

The first thing to do is to recognize that we’re having a whiney-brat moment. Only then can we positively and adult-like deal with the feeling.

The first step is to recognize that “everyone” isn’t really everyone. It’s not even mostly everyone. It’s really just a few people you happen to know, or know of.

Then remind yourself that you’ve made other choices. Look at what you’ve done that they haven’t. Appreciate what you have done.

Finally, if you really do want whatever it is “everyone” has, then figure out how you can get it! Is it going to be worth the sacrifices you’ll have to make?

We’re in Week Three of our examination of how we relate to experiences. This week, let’s look at:

If it hasn’t happened to me, it isn’t real.

Or at least it isn’t important.

To a certain extent, this is a good, healthy attitude. After all, if we had the same intensity of emotional response to everything that happened to someone else as we do to the events in our own lives, we’d be emotional wrecks. But at the same time, it’s just too easy for us to completely ignore the relevance of other people’s experience.

One of the most common manifestations of this mindset is the, “It won’t happen to me.” attitude. It’s especially common in teenagers who haven’t discovered that they are not immortal yet. Yet we all do it. “I won’t have a heart attack.” “I won’t get a sunburn.” “I won’t be mugged on the street.”

And then, if/when it does happen, we’re stunned!

It’s not always about health and well-being, either. Say, for example, you see a picture of a fox in a book. That’s one level of experience, but it’s not reality. Then you watch a show about foxes on television. OK, but you’re still not sure they’re real. You see one in a zoo. Fine, they do exist in real life. And then, you see one in your back yard on a snowy winter’s day, and suddenly you have a whole new appreciation and relationship with foxes. (This actually happened to me. Foxes are beautiful animals!)

So what aspects of reality are you denying? This week, notice when you accept something as real and when you don’t. What makes the difference?

Last week we looked at the fallacious notion that everyone has the same experiences, knowledge and attitudes as we do. This week, let’s look at another assumption we make about our experiences:

I’m the only one who’s ever done this/felt this way.

It’s the exact opposite of last week’s assumption, and it’s equally false. It generally shows up in a negative way as in, “No one else is as bad at time management/self-discipline/organization, etc., as I am.” In fact, the number one comment I hear in my teleclasses is, “It’s so wonderful to realize that I’m not the only one.”

So you’re not the only one who has whatever issue you think is yours alone. This week, watch for that “no one else is . . .” mindset, and remind yourself that there are thousands, if not millions, of other people who feel the exact same way.

And if you want to be an overachiever, go on the Internet and find yourself a support group. There’s one out there no matter what your challenge, problem, or issue is.

You are not alone.

Let’s explore how we deal with our experiences this month.

In my coaching, and in my life, I’ve noticed that humans have basically four ways of dealing with experiences—and being the complex and contrary animals that we are, we use all of them, even though they can be contradictory at times.

So let’s start with the first:

If I’ve had this experience, then everyone has had it.

Often we assume that because we know something, or have done something, everyone knows it, or has done it. (This holds for many of our attitudes, also.) For example, I bake bread. I enjoy it. So I assume that everyone knows how to bake bread, wants to bake bread, and does bake bread. (Which leaves me wondering who buys the commercial loaves at the grocery store. I assume that it’s people who just don’t have the time.)

I also (obviously) like to write, so I assume everyone does. Same with gardening, hiking, bird watching, etc. I like cats, and so does the whole world, right?

This week, notice how often you assume that everyone has the same experiences, attitudes, and knowledge that you have, and recognize that it’s just not so. While you’re at it, stop and appreciate the differences!

When is the last time you heard—and I mean REALLY heard—a compliment?

It feels as though this society, in its false guise of praising modesty, has turned us blind and deaf to our own accomplishments and to the honest praise that they earn. But if we don’t appreciate our accomplishments, and don’t hear the tributes that they earn, pretty soon we end up wondering what we are working for. We lose our motivation, our desire. All we have left is self-discipline. And discipline without desire gets stale and old very, very quickly. And eventually, it fails.

I challenge you, this week, to open your eyes and ears and heart and soul and mind to compliments. Compliment yourself. Compliment others, and notice whether they are accepted or not. As uncomfortable as it may be, let yourself take it in. Feel how good it is.

The way you react to failure has an impact on how successful you are. People who are afraid of failure, or see it as a terrible, hideous thing, tend not to take on new projects, learn new skills, or take advantage of opportunities. They play it safe, and stagnate.

Successful people, on the other hand, see failure as simply a result of an experiment. Something didn’t work. So, what will? And then they try something else.

The truth is, failure isn’t bad. It’s the messages you send to yourself that can be a problem.

This week, notice how you consider the possibility of failure as you go through your life. Do you accept it, or do you avoid it? What are the messages you’re telling yourself about failure?

As you go through your life, you–and, of course, your priorities–change. Remember back in high school how important some things were? Things like having a date for the prom, making good grades, or going out for a team. Those things don’t matter quite so much any more. In fact, I haven’t worried about being asked to the prom in decades!

So when you worry and fuss about things that feel important now, ask yourself: will they matter in five or ten years? And if they probably won’t, what are you fussing about?