Self Help Books — One Size Doesn’t Fit All
(This is an exerpt from a response I sent to a potential client, who was confused about the mixed messages in self-help books)
There are a million books and tapes and ideas out there, and each one presents itself as being “the one true way” to happiness or success or . . . But we have to realize that there is “no one true way.”
These books and these speakers want to reach as large an audience as possible, and so they have to generalize. They have to talk about what is usually right for most people (according to how they see most people, and according to their definition of what is right), rather than what is right for one person, for you. They don’t know you. They don’t know your situation, your resources, your strengths and your weaknesses. So don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you need to fit your round self into their square hole.
Some of these self-help gurus are very wise, and have wonderful ideas and concepts. But others, well frankly, they are in it for the fame and fortune, and will adopt whatever approach is necessary to sell books and/or fill lecture halls. People want to believe that they can buy the secret of the Universe, the key to happiness, or the magical panacea for all the world’s ills, for just $19.95 at Amazon. And there are those who will try and sell it to you. Buyer, beware!
I’ve dabbled a bit in the author/speaker world, and I know how tempting it is to present myself as having all the answers. And yet, I don’t. No one does. And as uncomfortable (and unprofitable) as it is, it’s also much more honest to admit that I, too, have questions and doubts. My methods aren’t for everyone. And they shouldn’t be, either.
And that’s the power of coaching: it focuses on the individual. When I’m coaching a client, I’m not applying generalized concepts. I’m working with that one person to discover or create answers or at least approaches that will work for that person, and possibly, that one person only. We try things on. Some we keep, some we discard. Some things work, some don’t–and we keep working, together, until we discover something that does.
No self-help book can offer that.
Tags: Life Coaching, self help, self help books.
February 17th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
The most interesting thing happened a couple of days after I wrote this post. My yoga group was meeting, and as we went around the room for check in, one of the other ladies (Rosemary) mentioned how frustrated she was with the self-help gurus who try to give people rigid rules to live by. I’m not a lone voice crying in the wilderness! So to all you self-help people out there, I say: “Guidelines and suggestions, yes. Rules, Hell NO!”