The Muse Blogs

Speak Up and Ask (Weekly Challengers 3/08/10)

TheMuse — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 21:44:39 +0000

Asking for what you want is a very powerful skill that doesn’t need to be saved for “big” things. It’s also a skill that few of us are good at. Since childhood, we’ve been taught that it’s rude to ask. Yet human beings aren’t evolved enough (yet) to be able to read people’s minds, so how are others going to know what we need or want if we don’t ask? However, there is a responsibility in asking for what we want. We need to be willing and able to accept a “no” without getting upset, taking it personally (even if it is), or making others feel guilty for having their own wants and needs. In other words, we need to be unattached to the result.You can ask for anything, from lower interest on your bank loan, to seconds on dessert, to appreciation and approval for a job well done. They might say “no,” but if you don’t ask, you are saying “no” for them. So stop wishing, and start asking! Ask for what you want at least once a day, every day this week.

Investigate Your Anger (Weekly Challengers 3/01/10)

TheMuse — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 19:26:25 +0000

What makes you angry? When something really, really ticks you off, it’s often because it’s stepping on something you value. Suppose that someone cutting you off in traffic always makes you furious. Your anger is not really about bad driving itself, but about what bad driving means to you. Perhaps it’s because you value courtesy, or are highly competitive and hate to have someone get in front of you. Maybe you’re protective of your child in the back seat–or yourself–and see that “idiot” as a danger. Whatever it is, scouting out the real reason underlying your anger will point you towards a value that is so important to you that you would fight to honor it. And that value influences your decisions and your life, whether you know it or not.So this week, notice what infuriates you–then probe a little deeper. What passion lies beneath that anger? Knowing what really counts will help you make better choices–informed choices–and will help you keep that anger under control.

Practice Saying “No” (Weekly Challengers 2/22/10)

TheMuse — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 22:18:23 +0000

When’s the last time you said “No!” to a request, and meant it? Most of us aren’t very practiced at saying “no” when people ask for our time or our energy. We’ve been taught to be gracious and self-sacrificing until it’s become ridiculous. We say “Yes” even as we’re wishing we weren’t, until we’re spread so thin, with so many obligations and agreements that there’s not enough of us left to go around. We do what we’ve agreed to, but we’re tired, stressed and resentful. Or we back out later, procrastinate, do a slipshod job, all because we should have said “NO!” in the first place.”No” is a powerful, freeing word. Saying “No” to that church committee might mean you have time to write that book. Saying “No” to that extra project at work may mean you’ll make your daughter’s dance recital, or be able to spend an evening with your spouse. This week, before you agree to anything, stop and think about it. What will it really cost you? What will you be giving up if you say “Yes?”Oh, and here’s your challenge. Say “NO” to a request for your time or energy at least twenty times this week.

Be Present in the Moment (Weekly Challengers 2/15/2010)

TheMuse — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 19:05:11 +0000

How often are you really present to your life? We spend a lot of time doing one thing with our hands and feet and bodies and being someplace else in our head. We’re thinking about the day’s appointments while we shower and brush our teeth in the morning. While we’re driving to work, we’re going over the errands we have to run, the big presentation, the report to write. While we prepare dinner, we’re thinking ahead to doing the laundry or the grocery list or the plans for the weekend, or . . .Yup. Once again, we’re multi-tasking. Our bodies may be here, but our minds are someplace else.So this week, stop and notice where your mind is. If you find it flying off into the past or the future, bring it back to the present. One quick and easy way to do this is simply to focus on the physical sensations of the moment. What are you feeling, smelling, tasting, hearing? How does your body feel? Then return your attention to the task at hand. Challenge yourself to do this five times a day this next week.

Break from Multi-tasking (Weekly Challengers 2/08/10)

TheMuse — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 18:12:05 +0000

How many things do you do at once? Three? Five? Twenty five? Multi-tasking has become a way of life for so many of us. We cook dinner while yelling at the kids, talking on the phone, and watching television, all at once, missing out on the scent of the onions frying, the burble of the boiling water, and the excitement (or frustration or despair) in our child’s voice. We do e-mail, talk on the phone, and attempt to file, simultaneously, all in the attempt to save time. But what ends up happening is we burn the dinner, and slight the kids, mis-file that document and forget to note the appointment we made while on the phone. The end result is that often multi-tasking takes more time in the long run than if we’d slowed down and did just one thing at once. So this week, subscribe to the belief that “less is more”. Make a point of doing at least one task a day all by its lonesome, without doing five (or two or even one) other things at once. Use that as a breathing space in your day.

Self-Care (Weekly Challengers 2/01/10)

TheMuse — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 19:10:27 +0000

How much time do you take for yourself each day? Do you run all day, doing, doing, doing for your Gremlin and for others, until at night you simply fall into bed, exhausted, without taking even a second to recharge your batteries? We all need down time, time when we are simply being instead of doing. This week, take at least half an hour a day (longer is better) for yourself. You might take a bubble bath or a long walk, curl up with a good book or even go to a movie. Just make sure that what you do is strictly for yourself, and not for others.

Frog Syndrome (Weekly Challengers 1/25/10)

TheMuse — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 18:06:50 +0000

Do you have “frog syndrome?” When someone makes a suggestion, do you go “Yabbut, yabbut” and come up with a million objections? OK, maybe just two. Frog syndrome is a habit of thinking that shuts down possibility. When the first thought in our minds is about what is wrong with an idea, we never see what might be right about it. Even the most outlandish scheme has merit, even if it is only to spark another idea. This week, give up your “yabbuts.” Instead say “Yes,” pause a second, then say “and. . .” Even if an objection still comes out of your mouth, you are giving the idea a chance before rejecting it outright.

Take Action! (Weekly Challengers 1/18/10)

TheMuse — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 19:04:17 +0000

You’ve got your goal, you’ve got your list of steps. This week, you finally get to take action. Choose one item on the list, and do it! You’re now on your way towards your goal. If you’re truly committed to this goal, continue to choose one or two items a week to work on.

Plan Your Goal (Weekly Challengers 1/11/10)

TheMuse — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 19:20:42 +0000

Is that goal you’ve set solidly in your heart and mind and body? If not, revisit the goal. Does something need to be changed, or do you just need to visualize it longer? Spend another week on it, if you need to.If you’ve made that goal your own, however, it’s time for the next step. Brainstorm a list of steps to take to achieve that goal. Work on that list all week. Don’t worry about getting everything down there at first. Keep adding to it as you go along. Remember, nothing is set in concrete; you can always go back and change, delete, or add something. Don’t worry about the order; in fact, you might try doing something non-linear instead of an outline, such as mind-mapping or clustering.

Create a Goal for the New Year (Weekly Challengers 1/04/10

TheMuse — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 18:28:52 +0000

What is one area of your life that you’d like to improve? Think carefully about it, and write down a goal for that area of your life. Spend ten minutes every day this week really seeing what it would be like to attain that goal.Visualize it.Involve all your senses.Soak that success into your bones.