The last attitude about experience that I want to explore is:

If everyone else has had this experience, how come I haven’t?

Sometimes I think this one is left over from grade school: “But everyone else is going. Why can’t I?”

Although we may be older (but not always wiser), we still feel that way on occasion: as though everyone else has gone to Italy for vacation, or bought a new car, or is having a party. Then we feel left out because we aren’t doing it. Yet down that path lies that evil green snake of jealousy and envy.

The first thing to do is to recognize that we’re having a whiney-brat moment. Only then can we positively and adult-like deal with the feeling.

The first step is to recognize that “everyone” isn’t really everyone. It’s not even mostly everyone. It’s really just a few people you happen to know, or know of.

Then remind yourself that you’ve made other choices. Look at what you’ve done that they haven’t. Appreciate what you have done.

Finally, if you really do want whatever it is “everyone” has, then figure out how you can get it! Is it going to be worth the sacrifices you’ll have to make?

We’re in Week Three of our examination of how we relate to experiences. This week, let’s look at:

If it hasn’t happened to me, it isn’t real.

Or at least it isn’t important.

To a certain extent, this is a good, healthy attitude. After all, if we had the same intensity of emotional response to everything that happened to someone else as we do to the events in our own lives, we’d be emotional wrecks. But at the same time, it’s just too easy for us to completely ignore the relevance of other people’s experience.

One of the most common manifestations of this mindset is the, “It won’t happen to me.” attitude. It’s especially common in teenagers who haven’t discovered that they are not immortal yet. Yet we all do it. “I won’t have a heart attack.” “I won’t get a sunburn.” “I won’t be mugged on the street.”

And then, if/when it does happen, we’re stunned!

It’s not always about health and well-being, either. Say, for example, you see a picture of a fox in a book. That’s one level of experience, but it’s not reality. Then you watch a show about foxes on television. OK, but you’re still not sure they’re real. You see one in a zoo. Fine, they do exist in real life. And then, you see one in your back yard on a snowy winter’s day, and suddenly you have a whole new appreciation and relationship with foxes. (This actually happened to me. Foxes are beautiful animals!)

So what aspects of reality are you denying? This week, notice when you accept something as real and when you don’t. What makes the difference?

Last week we looked at the fallacious notion that everyone has the same experiences, knowledge and attitudes as we do. This week, let’s look at another assumption we make about our experiences:

I’m the only one who’s ever done this/felt this way.

It’s the exact opposite of last week’s assumption, and it’s equally false. It generally shows up in a negative way as in, “No one else is as bad at time management/self-discipline/organization, etc., as I am.” In fact, the number one comment I hear in my teleclasses is, “It’s so wonderful to realize that I’m not the only one.”

So you’re not the only one who has whatever issue you think is yours alone. This week, watch for that “no one else is . . .” mindset, and remind yourself that there are thousands, if not millions, of other people who feel the exact same way.

And if you want to be an overachiever, go on the Internet and find yourself a support group. There’s one out there no matter what your challenge, problem, or issue is.

You are not alone.

Let’s explore how we deal with our experiences this month.

In my coaching, and in my life, I’ve noticed that humans have basically four ways of dealing with experiences—and being the complex and contrary animals that we are, we use all of them, even though they can be contradictory at times.

So let’s start with the first:

If I’ve had this experience, then everyone has had it.

Often we assume that because we know something, or have done something, everyone knows it, or has done it. (This holds for many of our attitudes, also.) For example, I bake bread. I enjoy it. So I assume that everyone knows how to bake bread, wants to bake bread, and does bake bread. (Which leaves me wondering who buys the commercial loaves at the grocery store. I assume that it’s people who just don’t have the time.)

I also (obviously) like to write, so I assume everyone does. Same with gardening, hiking, bird watching, etc. I like cats, and so does the whole world, right?

This week, notice how often you assume that everyone has the same experiences, attitudes, and knowledge that you have, and recognize that it’s just not so. While you’re at it, stop and appreciate the differences!