Just thought I’d give you a bit of a tease. I’ve just ordered Dick’s 20th anniversary present. It’s something he doesn’t know he wants, but he needs it. It’s going to be a bit of a challenge, and I’ve enlisted a friend or two to help out getting things working. I think we/he are the last people in the world to be doing/having this.

And I’m not going to tell you what it is, in case he reads this blog. You’ll just have to wait and see–until after March 19th.

Hee hee.

I recently received an e-mail from a long-time Weekly Challenger subscriber about a couple of nasty letters and e-mails she had received from family members. That made me appreciate how fortunate I am. My family and friends would never ever send me anything that poisonous and nasty. They’d never think anything like that either, or try and hurt me, the way those family members hurt my subscriber. I am so grateful to, and for, my friends and family for being supportive and kind and loving, no matter how hard I’ve made it on them. And I can be hard to deal with sometimes. We all can.

It also made me stop and think about the people who are malicious and nasty, and do try and hurt others. They can’t possibly be happy themselves. Happy people don’t try to make other people miserable; in fact, they try to make others happy. It’s like we want to bring the rest of the world to our level, whatever our level is. When we’re unhappy, we (subconsciously) want everyone else to be unhappy too. And when we’re happy, we want the whole world to be happy. When we’re indignant about a perceived wrong, we want others to be indignant too. So when someone is trying to hurt us, it’s because they’re hurting. When someone is mean and nasty, it’s because that’s how their life feels to them.

And yes, we’ll still feel hurt by their slings and arrows. Remember that old childhood chant “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me?” It’s not true. Words do hurt. But perhaps we can look through our hurt and find sympathy and pity for the other person. They are hurting worse than they have hurt us. And they’re hurting like that all the time.

Besides–let’s be honest here and enjoy a second of maliciousness ourselves–just think how annoying it will be to that inflictor-of-pain to be pitied instead of taken seriously. To be seen as pathetic instead of powerful.

And we get to gloat–because we have risen above!

I’ve had a great week.  My DH has been out of town at a conference all week, so I’ve  had the house to myself. Although I’ve had to pick up on some of the chores he does around the house (Clean the cat boxes, take out the trash, etc.), it feels as though I’m doing a lot less than I usually do. And yet, I’m really not.

It’s just that I’m doing things my way, on my schedule, when I feel like it. I’m eating when I’m hungry, not when he gets home from work. Sometimes that’s at 3:00 in the afternoon. (I’m also not eating when I’m not hungry. This has really helped my diet.) And I’m eating what I feel like eating, rather than cooking a full dinner every night. (Hey, I had string cheese and crackers for dinner last night, and enjoyed it thoroughly.) I’m going to bed when I’m tired, and I’m not trying to be quiet so I won’t wake him up. I’m getting up when I’m ready to; not at 5:15 AM when his alarm goes off. I’m listening to my type of music (quite loud), watching my kind of TV, and eating my favorite foods.

It’s been luxurious and self-indulgent. And it’s made me realize how many little things I change when he’s around. Part of that is just being married, and it’s OK. Common courtesy and consideration is the lubricant that keeps a household running smoothly. But some of it is silly, too. And some of it is definitely negotiable. Do I really have to have a three course dinner every night? Do I really have to limit/change my music listening and TV watching based on whether he’s around? We have more than one room, and more than one television. Although it’s wonderful to do things together, we don’t have to do everything together.

So how are things going to change when he gets back? I don’t know. I do think his presence helps with some self-discipline. I’m less likely to spend hours playing Bookworm or Mah Jongg on the computer when he’s around. I’m more likely to eat better–healthier, that is–even if it is more. But maybe I’ll watch Top Chef, or Project Runway, or What Not to Wear instead of Modern Marvels and MythBusters (although I do like MythBusters). Maybe I’ll listen to Edith Piaf and Josephine Baker, or Celtic music instead of Bruce Springsteen and Bob Seeger. Maybe I’ll eat crab legs while he enjoys something else.

Maybe we can both have the best of both worlds.

What’s missing from your life? Is it passion? A fulfilling career? Health? A loving mate?

Maybe it’s inner peace, or time for yourself. Maybe it’s a greater spiritual connection. Maybe it’s financial security, or financial freedom.

It could be self-confidence, or joy, or a generous spirit.

None of us are truly complete. It’s part of being human. What matters is what we do about it, how we relate to our deficiencies. Do we strive mightily to overcome them? Do we bemoan them and suffer because of them? Do we have faith that everything will turn out all right in the end? Do we shrug our metaphorical shoulders and carry on?

There’s no right or wrong way of dealing with the holes in our lives. But how we deal with them is also how we deal with our lives. And while we may not have a choice about the deficiencies in the hand we’ve been dealt, we do have a choice in how we play that hand, and in how we respond to what’s missing.

So this week, just notice how you are with what’s missing in your life. And remember, you may not have a choice in the circumstances of your life, but you always have a choice in how you respond to them.

Are you one of those people who has to always be in touch? Do you always have your cell phone or Blackberry or Treo fastened to your ear, or at the very least, your belt?

And for some of us (yes, I’ll confess) who don’t have Blackberries or Treos, do you check your email a dozen times a day? Do you let that little beep of incoming mail interrupt your work or drag you away from a meal? (My laptop is in my kitchen and always on.) Do you find yourself checking your email while answering the phone or talking to a live person?

Welcome to always-connected Hell.

So this week, I challenge you - and it might be really, really tough, but I know you can do it - to take one afternoon or evening and TURN IT OFF! Discover what it’s like when you get to fully concentrate on life, when you can immerse yourself in a book or movie or conversation without having the insistent, two-year-old-like tug of email constantly interrupting you.

Besides, it’s probably mostly spam, anyway.

I’m enjoying another Colorado February. And yes, enjoying is the right word.

In Colorado, in February, the weather changes daily. Although Mark Twain was talking about Missouri when he wrote “If you don’t like the weather, just wait a minute,” it’s much more applicable to the mountains than Missouri. And I lived there (Missouri) for 16 years, so I know whereof I speak.

Today hit the low 60’s, with next-to-no wind, a clear sky, and sun. I went for a walk and had to take my light jacket off.

Tomorrow the high is supposed to be in the upper 30’s, and the next day, well, it’s supposed to snow. But the day after that, we’re back in the low 50’s again.

It sounds crazy, but I love this kind of weather. I get winter and spring all mixed up at the same time. It’s like have a new spring every week–and who doesn’t love a fresh spring day?

It also gives me permission to be all over the map myself. Who am I to go against Mother Nature? If she can have her moods, so can I. If I’m feeling up one day, and a bit down the next, well, it’s only natural. And by accepting what I’m feeling (but not letting it rule my life!), I don’t fight against it. I don’t beat myself up about it. And that means I’m just one more step closer to self-acceptance.

If only I were one more pound closer to my ideal weight.

As many of you already know, I play computer games. This Christmas, my mother turned me on to a new one, called Bookworm, which involves making words out of a grid of random letters.  Although I tend to sit down and play one game all the way through, (which can take a couple of hours, depending upon how good you are at it), you can also save your game at any time.

My goal was to break 1,000,000 points. And I finally did it! My new high score is 1,386,471!

But here’s the thing: I did it by taking breaks and playing the game over several days, which is how my mother gets her amazing scores. (She’s several million points above me.) And this made me realize something.

I actually do better if I take regular breaks and keep my stress level down. And I’m not just talking about computer games, either.  Whether it’s writing, bookkeeping, coaching, cooking, cleaning . . . Breaks seem to improve the quality of my work and my life.

This is a new thing. I’m the kind of person who hates to switch gears, so usually I just plug away at something until the task is done or I’m exhausted. And now I’m wondering if that’s really the best approach. There’s an old saying: “A change is as good as a rest.” Maybe I should try that–work on something for a while, and then switch to something else beforeI get tired. It might make me more productive–or it may take too much energy to switch tasks to be worth it.

But one thing I know for sure: if playing computer games a) provides me with insights and b) gives my material for this blog, then I guess I’m going to keep on playing them!

Earlier this week I posted about feeling unappreciated and unacknowledged. Well, the Universe heard me–or everyone in the world is reading my blog.

I received two wonderful e-mails thanking me for Valentine’s cards, a thank you note from a friend “For listening,” a phone call from someone to say they missed me, and my hubby came through with cards and roses on Valentine’s Day. Not to mention Dawn’s comment on that post, which started the whole thing off.

The bottom line? It pays to ask for what you want. Sometimes you get it. And not necessarily in the way you expect.

I like to give. I give my time, my home, my cooking, stuff. It’s my “love language.” So when I don’t “get” back, I feel a teeny bit unloved. Unappreciated. Unnoticed. And I’ve been feeling a lot of that lately.

It’s not that I develop relationships in order to “get” from others. In fact, I tend to give–and give too much. But lately I’ve started to feel as though I give and give and give and never get anything in return.

What’s really interesting, though, is that I don’t feel that way when I coach, and it has nothing to do with getting paid. My clients pay me back with trust. They share their journeys with me, and invite me along their path of self-discovery. They give me the gift of themselves–and I need nothing more. Yet they give me more, when they consider my ideas, say “thank you,” tell me something worked. Or didn’t. I think I value that as much as anything–because if they trust me enough to say “you’re wrong,” that’s a gift.

So why am I not just as satisfied with what I get back from my other relationships? Perhaps it’s because those relationships are based more upon doing than being. Perhaps it’s because our roles are less defined. I don’t know.

But I know I love coaching. And my clients. Which is why I’m so picky about who I invite into my practice. And why I love my practice so very, very much.

Finally! My office is painted and I’m mostly moved back in. It’s lookin’ good–a nice, mellow green with creamy white trim (and new crown molding!), all clean and organized. Which means I can get back to blogging regularly. For about a week, my laptop couldn’t find my WIFI (although it could occasionally connect via a neighbor’s unsecured network; warning, you WIFI-er’s out there: make sure your network is secured. Not everyone is as harmless as I.), and my big computer, which is hard-wired, was under several layers of plastic. And the big computer won’t turn on. But my laptop is connected again, although still through the neighbor’s network.

We’ve become so dependent upon our computers–at least I have. All my financial records that I need for filing taxes are on the big desktop (nicknamed “Big Boy.”) The templates for the labels I want to put on boxes and files are on Big Boy. My favorite games are on Big Boy (and that’s the biggest issue.) I’m hoping that it’s just the clock battery on the motherboard. I’m going to have to crack the case and try replacing it.

There was a time when doing something to the inside of my computer would have scared the bejeezus out of me. It was filled with mystical electrons of various colors (the green electrons are the best), and circuits and wires and boards and all kinds of arcane paraphenalia. But as my computer has aged (it’s 8 years old, and is running Windows 2000), I’ve learned a few–very few–patches and tricks to keep it running. Because I’d rather deal with this old, creaky, slow model than have to deal with Vista. And it’s either that, or get a Mac. Which has it’s own issues, since everyone else I work with has a PC. And the Mac won’t run a couple of the programs I use every day.

So this afternoon, I’m going to perform surgery, once again, on Big Boy. All I need to do is get him up and running just long enough to retrieve the tax information, and then I can relax. It would be nice if I could keep him going a bit longer, but I’m not terribly hopeful.  At least having an unreliable computer is teaching me to back up, back up, back up — on a daily basis.

Or at least I will, once I get him up and running again.

Oh, does anyone have any ideas or suggestions about a new computer? Thanks!