As a life coach, one of the ways I find the right clients to work with is through free, no obligation sample sessions. I enjoy giving them; I get to work with people I don’t usually work with. I always learn something, and it sharpens my skills. Besides, I so strongly believe in the power of coaching that I love giving people a chance to really change their lives in just one, 45 minute session. I’ve seen it work.

But I also hate some aspects of sample sessions, and that’s the no shows, or the people who just randomly sign up for a session and don’t take it seriously. I could care less about whether someone can afford coaching beyond this one session. But I hate it when someone sends me a sample session request and then never replies to my personal, individually-writtenresonse. It’s rude. It wastes my time and effort.

What I hate even more are those who actually make an appointment for a sample session and then don’t show up, don’t even e-mail or call to cancel. I’ve set that time aside. I’ve read and reread what they’ve written. I’ve thought of possible approaches and strategies. And then they don’t even have the courtesy to cancel. They just leave me sitting there, like a teenager who’s been stood up for the prom.

There is one big difference between me and that teenager though. I know that when someone stands me up for a sample session, it’s actually all about them. It’s not me at all. After all, they don’t know me yet, so it can’t be personal. When I first started coaching, I did take it personally; now, however, I realize that they’re the ones with the issues. Often, they’re afraid. And if they’re afraid to show up for one single, free session, they’ll never be a good coaching client.

And OK, I get the fear. But I don’t get the rudeness or discourtesy. Is it that hard to just e-mail me and say “Sorry, can’t make it?”

It’s interesting, but over the years, I’ve become pretty good at picking out which people won’t show up or respond to my introductory e-mail. In general, they’ve signed up for a sample session quite late at night. They don’t give a real name. And their reasons for being interested in coaching tend to be either really bizarre, or very, very specific. Oh, did I mention spelling and grammar? There’s a difference between “legitimate” errors from typos or English as a second (or third) language, and the errors I see from people who are under the influence of something at the time they write.

And even when I’m quite sure that a person is not going to respond, I still give him or her my best effort. Because what I do is about me. And at the end of the day, I’m the person who has to look herself in the mirror.

In case you haven’t figured it out already, I’m a chronic overachiever. So of course, the day before a professional organizer was supposed to come and see what needed to be done in my office, I spent a couple of hours tidying up and getting it a bit more organized. My philosophy was, “Why pay her for things I can do? Let’s save her expertise for the stuff I really need help for.” But in the process, I realized I really need very little help–it’s more a case of motivation. And the idea of paying someone $60.00/hour to work with me on my office is very motivating.

Anyway, my organizer, Mira, does not strike me as the most organized person in the world, and for that reason, I think I can work well with her. I think she’ll relate better to me, and I to her, because she’s had her own challenges. It’s like my trainer, Michelle. She is not naturally skinny and perfect; she has to work at it too. So there’s no illusion that perfection is even a possibility.

So after looking at my office, Mira gave me my first assignment: shopping. Well that one is easy! I love shopping. Then she’s coming over Saturday to spend several hours with me digging through my files. (Not my client files, though. Those are in a locked drawer and she’ll never see them. At all. Hmm. Come to think of it, my client files are the one thing in my entire office that never got disorganized.) So to get ahead of the game (and to save some money), I’ve started in already. And, I have my motivation–not that I’m a method actor or anything–beyond having a neat and functional office again.

Michelle (yes, my trainer) is also an interior designer. Yesterday, after forcing me to run stairs and do push ups (I don’t have a lot of exercise equipment), she talked with me about how to redo my office. Well, she talked; I gasped for breath. Today, in addition to file folders and labels, I’m also looking at paint chips, light fixtures, and fountains. So when I get that office reorganized, I am going to redecorate. On a tight budget, though. I won’t have much left over after I pay the organizer.

Which is yet another motivation to do as much as I can first!

I’m still plugging away at the COH exercises. Yesterday, I did the “getting to the why” section, and even though I know how it works and what’s behind it, the results still surprised me. I thought that I was losing weight (there’s a good, positive statement; no if’s or maybe’s about it) so I would look better. What came up, eight separate times during the exercises, was “increased self-confidence.” The second most common answer was “more energy,” and the third was “To just feel better every day.” Appearance was a distant fourth.

The other result of working through my book that has surprised me is that since I’ve started putting in 15 to 20 minutes a day on the exercises, it’s actually been easier for me to resist snacking in the evening. I’m truly surprised.

So you might have guessed that I’ve managed to keep the first two pounds off long enough to earn a manicure or pedicure. I know I was talking about a manicure earlier this week, but I think I’ve changed my mind. My yoga group starts back up next week, and we do yoga in bare feet. And my toes are in much worse shape than my hands. Besides, it’s a lot easier to do my fingernails myself–I don’t have to bend over! Plus the organizer I hired is coming over to go through my office on Saturday, and I know that will be hard on my hands. I’m hoping for no more than two paper cuts.

The goal, then, is pedicure on Friday, and manicure next week. (I will lose another 2 pounds by then, right?)

As a life coach, I have the chance to learn all sorts of wonderful things from my clients, and this concept is one of them.

One of the marvelous things about life is that every new day, just like every new year, is a new beginning. No matter what happened yesterday, today we get to start over. We can change our direction or attitude, recommit to changing a habit, cling to the past or let it go. We can choose what we wish to bring forward from yesterday into today. Each morning is an opportunity to make a new, deliberate choice about how we wish to live our lives.

So this week, treat each morning like a new year. Take a look back at what happened yesterday, and decide, deliberately, how you want to proceed into today. And see what happens!

May the Muse live happily in your heart, and may passion bloom in your soul,

Lynn

Many, many years ago, I remember my parents went on a diet that always made sense to me. The underlying idea was that you were really, really good on Monday and Tuesday, reasonably good on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, and then one day a week you had a day off your diet. That sounded like something I could stick to, because it meant that I never, ever completely denied myself anything forever. And that’s sort of how I’m thinking I’m going to structure this one, for the long term. Mondays and Tuesdays I am very strict; the rest of the week I get to be good, but a bit more lenient, and I get one day a week that just doesn’t count.

Unfortunately, yesterday was the day that didn’t count, and today is Monday. So I have to be very good.

 I worked through the first 3 days of the Foundation in the COH book today, deciding on which two behaviors (my book recommends only one) I was going to focus on, and developing my yes’s and no’s. Since I’m sharing all this with you, I guess I have to tell you that the two main behaviors for me are limiting snacks, especially in the evening, and increasing my aerobic exercise. So today I walked briskly for an hour. And I haven’t snacked as yet.

And my yes’s and no’s? Maybe I should explain a bit first. Well, for everything I decide to do, I’m deciding against something else. For example, if I decide to watch TV in the evening, I’m deciding not to read. So here are the yes’s and no’s for my diet:

I am saying “yes” to:

• feeling good in the morning
• losing weight
• looking great in jeans
• increased strength, energy and endurance
• confidence and pride

I am saying “no” to:

• more than 1 glass of wine in the evening
• my pot belly
• Spanx and girdles
• aches and pains, and feeling tired all the time
• apology and shame

So there we are! Only being an inveterate overachiever, I’m not really limiting myself to only those two aproaches. I’m also watching what I eat at meals as well, even to counting calories for breakfast and lunch today. And I figured out how to cut 100 calories out of my breakfasts without hardly noticing it. Every little bit helps!

What wonderful thing have you accomplished that you didn’t know you could do? Was it learning a new skill, conquering a physical challenge, persevering through adversity? Whatever it was (and there is at least something if you’ll stop and think about it and get those Gremlins out of the way), it is proof positive that you are capable of so much more than you give yourself credit for.

As you go through your week, start paying attention to all those things you think you can’t do and start wondering, “What if I really could do that?”

Until next week, may the Muse live happily in your heart, and may passion bloom in your soul,

Lynn

P.S. If you’re wondering what I mean by “Gremlins,” check out this Musing.

I’ve always promised myself cheat days, and I even included “rest days” in the COH program. And today was one of them. We were going to some friends for dinner, so I eased up on my diet. I did sip some wine while I was preparing the salad and dessert at home (and watching “The Remains of the Day), and I ate some of everything at dinner, although I took very small portions. (We had steak-and it was terrific!) Then I haven’t snacked at all this evening, after I got home. But I think I’ll go to bed very soon, to avoid temptation.

 I have to tell you, though, I really enjoyed the wine as I was cooking. It’s one of my favorite things, and it’s been one of the hardest things to give up–sipping wine while cooking. I’ll just have to allow it occasionally! There’s no value in making myself miserable; I won’t stick to the diet if I do that.

Well, I’ve actually gotten started on the book, and I have to confess, it’s made a difference already. Darn it. I suppose I should be pleased that my system works, but I was hoping I could get away without doing all that work.

So one of the things I did today was work with my Inner Critic. I discovered I have two of them that are sabotaging my efforts. One has a wispy, quiet little voice, sort of sneaky-like, and the other has a sneering, sarcastic way of talking: “Yeah, right!” I haven’t named them yet; I’m waiting for that to come to me.

The messages I hear most often are:

• You won’t be able to give up your wine and cheese.
• You’re going to miss your evening snacks too much to stick to this.
• It’s been too long since you weighed 110. You’ll never make it. (Lest you think I’m trying to become as skinny as a model, let me tell you I’m barely 5′0. And every pound I gain goes on my belly, so right now, I look about 5 or 6 months pregnant.)
• Your skin is going to get all baggy and you’ll look worse than you do now with that belly.
• You’ll never stick to this.
• Even if you do lose the weight, you’ll put it right back on.
• Fifteen pounds isn’t worth worrying about.

And the refutations I’ve developed for them are:

• I’ve never been this committed before, so I know I will succeed.
• I’m feeling better already.
• Yes I can, and I am, bit by bit, day by day.
• I just have to be good right now. I have a cheat day coming up.
• This is a permanent change in my life style. I can maintain it.

So that’s where I am — I’ve made it through the Introduction. Where will I be tomorrow?

OK, OK, OK. I’ve been trying to “just do it,” and it’s been really hard. I do fine for a while, and then find myself, almost without knowing it, noshing on cheese or chips. And this happens daily. I’ve managed to lose pound #2, and if I keep it off, I can get a manicure next Friday (and believe you me, I need one!). But each day is a struggle.

 So I dug out my author’s copy of Change One Habit, Change Your Life, and with a few modifications, I’m going to commit to working through it. I’m going to blog instead of journal, and I’m not going to work the first two weeks’ worth of exercises straight through.  (I call them ”The Foundation.”) But I am going to do an exercise from the book every day. And I’m going to honestly report how it’s working for me.

 The funny thing is, though, that although I own over 50 copies of the book, I’m having a hard time writing in one of them in ink. I wonder if that’s because I was brought up never to write in books, or if it’s because I’m afraid of making the commitment?

I don’t know if I’ll actually get started this weekend; it’s pretty full up already. But I will for sure, on Monday.