12/31/07

Farewell, December!

Boy, am I glad December is almost over! I had a wonderful holiday—over-ate, overspent, overdid—but enjoyed every minute of it. It’s everything else that happened that makes me glad to get out of the other side of this past month.

Specifically, among our close family and friends, in the past four weeks we’ve been through four deaths, two cancer diagnoses, and two husbands who have up and left their wives right out of the blue. The emotional roller coaster ride has been exhausting—and I’m only peripherally involved.

I feel so helpless. I’m supposed to be this coach who knows how to help, and I do, with my clients. But with family and friends, there’s a whole different kind of relationship, and I’m more personally involved as well. I can’t just turn down my emotions and put on my coaching hat, yet screaming and crying and yelling doesn’t feel particularly helpful either. I’m angry, especially at a couple of men, frustrated, hurt, and grieving all at the same time. And like most people in this country, I’m not very good with negative emotions. I tend to hide them, to shove them aside, to hope they go away. Not that they ever do. I also know that the more I try to ignore them, the stronger they become—until, eventually, they just explode, usually at the most inappropriate or inopportune time.

How do you handle negative emotions? You have to honor them and experience them; they are a fact of life, a necessary seasoning to counteract the boredom of overly sweet experiences. They act as a bass counter-note to the high treble of joy or the middle chords of fulfillment and satisfaction. They’re essential. They’re where we learn and grow.

When my coach lost her brother, she took some time off from coaching and used quilting to process her pain and grief. The result was a one woman show of amazing fabric art. I still have a photo of one of her quilts on my bulletin board. What alchemy to turn her heartache into something so powerful and beautiful. I wish I could do something so magical.

I know that my feelings of sorrow and anger and sadness are going to linger for a while. They’re going to pop up, every now and then, as I go through my daily life. At odd moments, I’m going to recall the face and spirit of one who is no longer with us. I’m going to feel the confusion and humiliation and pain of an abandoned wife–and white-hot anger at the men who decided to just walk out. And somehow I have to accept those feelings, and honor them, find a way to work through them.

Meanwhile, I have a houseful of guests, and need to put on a happy face without denying what I’m feeling. Fortunately I have understanding and supportive guests.

My mission as a Life Coach is to change the world for the better, one person at a time. At www.manageyourmuse.com, I share free tips, articles, games and newsletters to help you realize your dreams. I offer one-on-one coaching, group coaching and self-guided programs to help you create your own boundless life. I am certified by the Coaches Training Institute and a member of the International Coaches Federation.