OK, OK, OK. I’ve been trying to “just do it,” and it’s been really hard. I do fine for a while, and then find myself, almost without knowing it, noshing on cheese or chips. And this happens daily. I’ve managed to lose pound #2, and if I keep it off, I can get a manicure next Friday (and believe you me, I need one!). But each day is a struggle.

 So I dug out my author’s copy of Change One Habit, Change Your Life, and with a few modifications, I’m going to commit to working through it. I’m going to blog instead of journal, and I’m not going to work the first two weeks’ worth of exercises straight through.  (I call them ”The Foundation.”) But I am going to do an exercise from the book every day. And I’m going to honestly report how it’s working for me.

 The funny thing is, though, that although I own over 50 copies of the book, I’m having a hard time writing in one of them in ink. I wonder if that’s because I was brought up never to write in books, or if it’s because I’m afraid of making the commitment?

I don’t know if I’ll actually get started this weekend; it’s pretty full up already. But I will for sure, on Monday.

Remember that half pound that was trying to come back yesterday? It won, and brought another half pound with it. I’m not surprised; along about 8:00 PM last night I lost all semblance of self-discipline and indulged in my favorite evening snack of wine and cheese. It was OK–not really worth that extra pound, though–but then I wasn’t hungry at all. I was eating (and drinking) because that’s what I do/did in the evenings. I’m obviously going to have to come up with a strategy to deal with those urges.

 And interestingly, and perhaps tellingly, I didn’t sleep as well last night as I have been, and today I don’t have quite as much energy. Oh, I’m doing OK, but I’m not feeling on top of the world like I did yesterday. If I attribute that to my rather estensive evening snack, it gives me even more motivation to be good.

So it will be interesting to see what happens this evening. Can I resist? Can I devise an alternative strategy? Wait and see!

For the first time since I started this diet, I’ve gone 24 hours without snacking! Three cheers for me!

 So when I went to type “Three cheers”, I mis-typed “Three cheese” — in fact, I did it twice. Freudian slip? After all, cheese is my favorite snack.

 AND, my scales showed a three pound loss! I don’t quite believe that–I imagine 1 or 2 of those pounds will come back on, but at least it’s a move in the right direction. If I can keep two of those pounds off for a week, I get to have a treat. I can’t decide whether it’s going to be a pedicure or a new set of make up brushes that won’t shed.

So today, I’m feeling positive. I’m going to let this energy carry me as far as it can.

What can I say? It was the weekend. I didn’t do well at all–in fact, Sunday night, when I went out to dinner with some friends, I way over-ate, and it was all fat. Yummy, yummy fat, but about 2,000,000 calories more than I needed. And worth it. I’m a serious foodie, and I got to try some new stuff I’d never tried before: fois gras and bone marrow. And a seaweed salad (OK, that one wasn’t so evil.) Found out I love fois gras with fruit and crusty bread, but bone marrow is very, very bland, almost like eating butter. It definitely needs something with it.

 Being a foodie and a passionate cook makes this diet thing even more difficult. I want to use great ingredients, I want to cook strange and interesting things. It’s one of my passions and hobbies, and the most long-lasting one. (I started cooking when I was aoubt 9.) I try to tell myself that I can get just as excited about making tasty, low calorie dishes as I can when creating elegant, sumptuous, sensuous meals, but it’s just not happening. For example, here’s my menus for the week:

• Monday (Cajun): Pork dirty rice, sweet & sour greens, roasted beets,  tossed salad
• Tuesday (South African): boboti (a sort of beef stew), couscous, garlicky greens, sweet potatoes
• Wednesday (British/Indian):  Country Captain (a kind of curried chicken), grilled polenta, green beans, tossed salad, cahapatis
• Thursday (French): Individual Tortierres (spicy meat pie), stuffed acron squash, tossed salad
• Friday (Swiss): Bavarian pork chops, Rosti (a potato cake), asparagus, green bean and red onion salad

 Now I have to admit I wrote that down partially to boast, but also to show you how hard it would be to go from a menu like that to grilled fish and steamed veggies. I’m just hoping that if I can completely cut out my snacks in the evening, and cut down on portion sizes, I can get by without changing my diet completely. Keep your fingers crossed, cuz right now, the bathroom (actually, they’re in my closet) scales are not on my side.

OK, this dieting stuff is hard. I’m doing OK, but not great. My biggest challenge is dealing with after dinner snacks; I will quite happily eat cheese and drink wine from after dinner until bedtime. I’ve managed to cut the amount I eat and drink in half. It’s a start, but, I fear, not enough.

 Is that a Gremlin? Perhaps. I’m just afraid that if I don’t see some results soon, I’ll give up. On the other hand, I’m not sure that I can maintain the discipline necessary to see fast results. Who knows?

I did think hard about visualizations and affirmations, and although I haven’t done them formally, I do make a point of imagining what it will feel like and look like to be 15 pounds lighter. It’s harder than I thought it would be, though, to keep them positive.  I can easily come up with a phrase like “I will be so happy to get rid of this belly,” but it’s a lot harder to say “I have a trim and healthy body,” or “I have great abs.” I guess that’s part of the power of affirmations–to create a dissonance so that we can move forward to resolve it.

But it ain’t easy, folks!

Hubbies are so helpful. I love mine dearly, but when, on the second day of my diet, he asks me if I want his special, homemade waffles for breakfast—well, that’s just not helpful. I love his waffles, and fat-free yogurt, low fat granola and fresh fruit (a rather black banana) just don’t stack up to them. Especially when they (the waffles) are dripping with butter and real maple syrup.

I said “no.” Three cheers for me!

So I’ve been thinking about how I want to handle The Foundation part of my changing habits program, and I’ve decided that some of the exercises and tools in there will probably be helpful down the road. It’s easy to stay on a diet the first couple of days; the novelty and the desire are strong. There’s a special kind of energy about starting things. It’s the keeping going that gets tough, especially since my scale told me I gained a pound today.

So I think I’ll spend an hour or so today developing some affirmations and creating (and even taping) a visualization to help keep me on track. I thought about taping a photo of me (in my old bathing suit) to the refrigerator door, but I don’t want to ruin my hubby’s appetite too.