If you’ve been paying attention, you’ve probably noticed that I’m not writing much about my diet. Well, that’s because not much is happening with it. I haven’t gained any weight back, which is good, but on the other hand, I haven’t lost any weight either. Which isn’t good.

There’s a reason for this: I’ve stopped avoiding snacks in the evening. Cheese (and wine) are my downfall. It reminds me of a story Tommy LaSorda once told a friend of mine. The story goes like this:

Tommy’s doctor told him he needed to quit smoking, quit drinking, and lose weight. That evening, as Tommy reached for a  cigarette, his doctor’s words came back to  him. He looked at the cigarette in his hand, and asked “OK, tobacco, who’s stronger, you or me?”

“I am,” said Tommy, and put the cigarette down, never to smoke again.

The next evening, as he poured himself a martini, he remembered he was supposed to quit drinking too. “All right,” he says to his drink, “Who’s stronger, you or me?”

“I am,” said Tommy, and poured his martini down the drain.

The next night, as he sat down to a heaping plate of linguine with red clam sauce, he thought again about his doctor’s words. He needed to lose weight–to go on a diet. He looked down on the plate of liguine and clams and asked “Who’s stronger, you or me?”

A little clam poked its head up out of the sauce and said, “I am.”

Well, the truth of the matter is, cheese is stronger than me, at least for right now. I need to get re-motivated enough to stop reaching for the cheese (and wine) after dinner.

It’s interesting. I’m very motivated in the mornings. I exercise, do yoga, walk, eat a healthy breakfast and lunch. I don’t snack during the day. But about 7:30 in the evening, well, it’s like someone just pulled the plug on my motivational tub, and it all runs out the drain.

So somehow, I just have to keep that motivation going for another couple of hours. Then I’ll be stronger than the cheese.

Since there are five Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays in this month, I have this week off–well , off from coaching appointments and business, planning and marketing meetings. And somehow or other, this week has filled up with social events–more social events in this one week than I usually enjoy over the space of a couple of months. I have something going on every day except Friday and Saturday. Gasp.

And that’s going to make it hard to stick to the diet.

Lunch out today with a friend (which will undoubtedly require wine), a virtual get together tomorrow night with more friends (and more wine), yoga (OK, that one will be healthy), “Drinks and conversation” on Thursday, and a Superbowl party on Sunday. Not to mention that my DH and I went out for a fantastic dinner this past Saturday, and yesterday was the regular monthly meeting of the Dining Divas. The Divas are a group of women who get together once a month to cook, drink, and eat. Yesterday was Thai. (It took two showers to get the smell of shrimp paste out of my hair.)

So as you can see, this week is absolutely filled with opportunities for food and drink. So the question is: should I plan on trying to stick to the diet this week, or just try to “maintain?” Is it a cop out to let it slide for a week, or is it the realistic approach? Is there a middle ground?

The last thing I want to do is to set myself up for failure with unrealistic expectations. Once I let my Gremlins get even a hint of possible failure, they’ll go to town, and make it well nigh impossible for me to continue on with my diet. They’ll convince me that I can’t possibly succeed. On the other hand, I don’t want to “give up” either–another fantastic piece of ammunition for my Gremlins. I think the trick is going to be to try and walk that tricky tight rope of “middle ground.” Be reasonable when I’m out and very, very careful when I’m home.

Which means giving up some of my little indugences at home, something I haven’t managed to do with any consistency. It goes back to choosing what I’m saying “yes” to and what I’m saying “no” to.

It will be interesting to see what the scales say at the end of the week!

It’s interesting how changing one habit (dieting) has affected the rest of my life. Mostly in a positive way, I must add.

For example, I have “done my face” every single day since I started my diet. Yes, I’m actually putting on make up every morning, and following my cleansing, toning, and moisturizing ritual every night. I’ve taken my vitamins faithfully. I’ve even managed to follow through bleaching my teeth.  (I’m going to be one bee-you-tee-ful woman! And vain. And self-absorbed. ) And more than that: my closet has stayed neat and organized (that’s since October!), my bed is made every morning, and the house has stayed tidy. I’ve been cooking dinner at home instead of eating out on a regular basis (about six times a week.)

And I’m proud of all that.

On the other hand, I’ve become, well, obsessed may be too strong a word, but it’s close, with keeping up on all those details. I have to have my bed made, my bedroom, bathroom and closet clean and neat before I leave the room. I have to cook dinner every night, no matter what DH’s schedule–or mine for that matter. And I have to get up as soon as I’ve finished eating and start to clean the kitchen.

Partially because I’m so busy, we’re spending less quality time together. But now that I write this, I’m wondering which came first. Am I spending the time being Little Suzie Homemaker (not that there’s anything intrinsically wrong with that) because we’ve been spending so little time together or are we spending so little time together becasue I’m Little Suzie Homemaker? Hmm. Something to think about.

Just a quick note: I screwed my courage to the sticking point and got on the scale this morning and guess what? I haven’t gained an ounce! In fact, if anything, I may have lost about half a pound. The scale can’t decide between two numbers, and the lower one is one I’ve not seen for a very long while!

Now that gives me motivation to get back on track.

I’ve been very, very bad the past four days. Friday was deliberate. My husband was on call over night (meaning he’d be in at the hospital instead of at home), and I’d decided to make it a “Date with myself” night. That meant my favorite foods (crab legs with melted butter, and an artichoke and cheese), a bottle of champagne, chick-flicks (or art flicks or classics; but movies DH wouldn’t probably enjoy), a candlelit bubble bath with my kind of music (Celtic), incense . . . You get the picture.

It was wonderful!

Saturday my organizer was here. I was pretty good during the day, but let myself snack (wine and cheese) all evening. Empty, unneccessary, and delicious calories. And for some reason, I just couldn’t get on top of my diet at all yesterday. Or today. I absolutely dread getting on the scale; in fact, I’ve been avoiding it.

Tomorrow I have to do better. I must!

I’m still plugging away at the COH exercises. Yesterday, I did the “getting to the why” section, and even though I know how it works and what’s behind it, the results still surprised me. I thought that I was losing weight (there’s a good, positive statement; no if’s or maybe’s about it) so I would look better. What came up, eight separate times during the exercises, was “increased self-confidence.” The second most common answer was “more energy,” and the third was “To just feel better every day.” Appearance was a distant fourth.

The other result of working through my book that has surprised me is that since I’ve started putting in 15 to 20 minutes a day on the exercises, it’s actually been easier for me to resist snacking in the evening. I’m truly surprised.

So you might have guessed that I’ve managed to keep the first two pounds off long enough to earn a manicure or pedicure. I know I was talking about a manicure earlier this week, but I think I’ve changed my mind. My yoga group starts back up next week, and we do yoga in bare feet. And my toes are in much worse shape than my hands. Besides, it’s a lot easier to do my fingernails myself–I don’t have to bend over! Plus the organizer I hired is coming over to go through my office on Saturday, and I know that will be hard on my hands. I’m hoping for no more than two paper cuts.

The goal, then, is pedicure on Friday, and manicure next week. (I will lose another 2 pounds by then, right?)

Many, many years ago, I remember my parents went on a diet that always made sense to me. The underlying idea was that you were really, really good on Monday and Tuesday, reasonably good on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, and then one day a week you had a day off your diet. That sounded like something I could stick to, because it meant that I never, ever completely denied myself anything forever. And that’s sort of how I’m thinking I’m going to structure this one, for the long term. Mondays and Tuesdays I am very strict; the rest of the week I get to be good, but a bit more lenient, and I get one day a week that just doesn’t count.

Unfortunately, yesterday was the day that didn’t count, and today is Monday. So I have to be very good.

 I worked through the first 3 days of the Foundation in the COH book today, deciding on which two behaviors (my book recommends only one) I was going to focus on, and developing my yes’s and no’s. Since I’m sharing all this with you, I guess I have to tell you that the two main behaviors for me are limiting snacks, especially in the evening, and increasing my aerobic exercise. So today I walked briskly for an hour. And I haven’t snacked as yet.

And my yes’s and no’s? Maybe I should explain a bit first. Well, for everything I decide to do, I’m deciding against something else. For example, if I decide to watch TV in the evening, I’m deciding not to read. So here are the yes’s and no’s for my diet:

I am saying “yes” to:

• feeling good in the morning
• losing weight
• looking great in jeans
• increased strength, energy and endurance
• confidence and pride

I am saying “no” to:

• more than 1 glass of wine in the evening
• my pot belly
• Spanx and girdles
• aches and pains, and feeling tired all the time
• apology and shame

So there we are! Only being an inveterate overachiever, I’m not really limiting myself to only those two aproaches. I’m also watching what I eat at meals as well, even to counting calories for breakfast and lunch today. And I figured out how to cut 100 calories out of my breakfasts without hardly noticing it. Every little bit helps!

I’ve always promised myself cheat days, and I even included “rest days” in the COH program. And today was one of them. We were going to some friends for dinner, so I eased up on my diet. I did sip some wine while I was preparing the salad and dessert at home (and watching “The Remains of the Day), and I ate some of everything at dinner, although I took very small portions. (We had steak-and it was terrific!) Then I haven’t snacked at all this evening, after I got home. But I think I’ll go to bed very soon, to avoid temptation.

 I have to tell you, though, I really enjoyed the wine as I was cooking. It’s one of my favorite things, and it’s been one of the hardest things to give up–sipping wine while cooking. I’ll just have to allow it occasionally! There’s no value in making myself miserable; I won’t stick to the diet if I do that.

Well, I’ve actually gotten started on the book, and I have to confess, it’s made a difference already. Darn it. I suppose I should be pleased that my system works, but I was hoping I could get away without doing all that work.

So one of the things I did today was work with my Inner Critic. I discovered I have two of them that are sabotaging my efforts. One has a wispy, quiet little voice, sort of sneaky-like, and the other has a sneering, sarcastic way of talking: “Yeah, right!” I haven’t named them yet; I’m waiting for that to come to me.

The messages I hear most often are:

• You won’t be able to give up your wine and cheese.
• You’re going to miss your evening snacks too much to stick to this.
• It’s been too long since you weighed 110. You’ll never make it. (Lest you think I’m trying to become as skinny as a model, let me tell you I’m barely 5′0. And every pound I gain goes on my belly, so right now, I look about 5 or 6 months pregnant.)
• Your skin is going to get all baggy and you’ll look worse than you do now with that belly.
• You’ll never stick to this.
• Even if you do lose the weight, you’ll put it right back on.
• Fifteen pounds isn’t worth worrying about.

And the refutations I’ve developed for them are:

• I’ve never been this committed before, so I know I will succeed.
• I’m feeling better already.
• Yes I can, and I am, bit by bit, day by day.
• I just have to be good right now. I have a cheat day coming up.
• This is a permanent change in my life style. I can maintain it.

So that’s where I am — I’ve made it through the Introduction. Where will I be tomorrow?