Last week, we talked about blaming others. This week, let’s flip the coin and talk about blaming ourselves. As amazing as we are, we are not Supermen. Or Superwomen.There are situations we are truly not responsible for, or in control of. There are things that are Somebody Else’s Problems (SEP’s). So where do you take on blame that you don’t deserve? Pay attention to how often you blame yourself for things you can’t control, and this week, let it go.

Even though we all know better–even though we all intellectually understand that we are responsible for our own lives–when things don’t go our way, we usually find someone or something else to blame. It’s just bad luck, we say. It’s karma. It’s really his fault; if he’d done it this way it would have worked out. She should have remembered from last time. And sometimes, it really is just bad luck. Sometimes it really is somebody else’s fault.And sometimes, it’s ours. This week, notice who or what you blame when things go wrong. Then ask yourself, “What could I have done differently?” The answer may be “Nothing,” or it may lead you to a new way of handling things.

Asking for what you want is a very powerful skill that doesn’t need to be saved for “big” things. It’s also a skill that few of us are good at. Since childhood, we’ve been taught that it’s rude to ask. Yet human beings aren’t evolved enough (yet) to be able to read people’s minds, so how are others going to know what we need or want if we don’t ask? However, there is a responsibility in asking for what we want. We need to be willing and able to accept a “no” without getting upset, taking it personally (even if it is), or making others feel guilty for having their own wants and needs. In other words, we need to be unattached to the result.You can ask for anything, from lower interest on your bank loan, to seconds on dessert, to appreciation and approval for a job well done. They might say “no,” but if you don’t ask, you are saying “no” for them. So stop wishing, and start asking! Ask for what you want at least once a day, every day this week.

What makes you angry? When something really, really ticks you off, it’s often because it’s stepping on something you value. Suppose that someone cutting you off in traffic always makes you furious. Your anger is not really about bad driving itself, but about what bad driving means to you. Perhaps it’s because you value courtesy, or are highly competitive and hate to have someone get in front of you. Maybe you’re protective of your child in the back seat–or yourself–and see that “idiot” as a danger. Whatever it is, scouting out the real reason underlying your anger will point you towards a value that is so important to you that you would fight to honor it. And that value influences your decisions and your life, whether you know it or not.So this week, notice what infuriates you–then probe a little deeper. What passion lies beneath that anger? Knowing what really counts will help you make better choices–informed choices–and will help you keep that anger under control.

When’s the last time you said “No!” to a request, and meant it? Most of us aren’t very practiced at saying “no” when people ask for our time or our energy. We’ve been taught to be gracious and self-sacrificing until it’s become ridiculous. We say “Yes” even as we’re wishing we weren’t, until we’re spread so thin, with so many obligations and agreements that there’s not enough of us left to go around. We do what we’ve agreed to, but we’re tired, stressed and resentful. Or we back out later, procrastinate, do a slipshod job, all because we should have said “NO!” in the first place.”No” is a powerful, freeing word. Saying “No” to that church committee might mean you have time to write that book. Saying “No” to that extra project at work may mean you’ll make your daughter’s dance recital, or be able to spend an evening with your spouse. This week, before you agree to anything, stop and think about it. What will it really cost you? What will you be giving up if you say “Yes?”Oh, and here’s your challenge. Say “NO” to a request for your time or energy at least twenty times this week.

How often are you really present to your life? We spend a lot of time doing one thing with our hands and feet and bodies and being someplace else in our head. We’re thinking about the day’s appointments while we shower and brush our teeth in the morning. While we’re driving to work, we’re going over the errands we have to run, the big presentation, the report to write. While we prepare dinner, we’re thinking ahead to doing the laundry or the grocery list or the plans for the weekend, or . . .Yup. Once again, we’re multi-tasking. Our bodies may be here, but our minds are someplace else.So this week, stop and notice where your mind is. If you find it flying off into the past or the future, bring it back to the present. One quick and easy way to do this is simply to focus on the physical sensations of the moment. What are you feeling, smelling, tasting, hearing? How does your body feel? Then return your attention to the task at hand. Challenge yourself to do this five times a day this next week.

Do you have “frog syndrome?” When someone makes a suggestion, do you go “Yabbut, yabbut” and come up with a million objections? OK, maybe just two. Frog syndrome is a habit of thinking that shuts down possibility. When the first thought in our minds is about what is wrong with an idea, we never see what might be right about it. Even the most outlandish scheme has merit, even if it is only to spark another idea. This week, give up your “yabbuts.” Instead say “Yes,” pause a second, then say “and. . .” Even if an objection still comes out of your mouth, you are giving the idea a chance before rejecting it outright.

A reader from St. Petersburg - that’s in Russia, friends - has chosen “living in today” as her theme for the year. Her plan is to make fewer excuses and take more actions. Instead of waiting for the perfect day (some time in the future) to start something, she’s going to start things now.

Boy, that’s something we all need - the courage and impetus to get into action now instead of waiting for someday, maybe.

She also wrote, “…if I stop thinking that ‘today is not a good day,’ I will be happier with my life and myself.”

Now that’s a wise woman! I invite all of you to consider her theme this week and see how it might fit into your life.

I bet you know someone who says, “Well, that’s just the way I am,” and doesn’t try to accommodate or adapt to others or to situations. Often they’re proud of their “self-knowledge.” Well, that’s not self-knowledge. That’s an excuse.

True self-knowledge starts with, “That’s the way I am,” and then seeks to work with it. If you know you have a hot temper, you work to keep it under control. If you are shy, you acknowledge that and accept that you’ll have to work harder to make friends.

Self-knowledge shines a light on both your positive and negative traits. You learn to embrace them both, and to make them both work for you. But it’s never a reason to limit yourself, nor is it an excuse for imposing your flaws upon others.

Last week, I discussed setting New Year’s resolutions. This week, I want to offer you another approach. Why not set a theme for the year?

Themes are not goals. They’re often intangible, something that sets a tone for the year, almost like setting an intention.

To set a theme, choose one or two words to describe what you want out of the entire year. It might be “exploration” or “creating foundation” or “flexibility.” It could be “creativity” or “expansiveness,” “family” or “connection.”

Then create a physical representation of that theme, and place it in several places where you can see it and reflect on it regularly throughout the year. You’ll be amazed how this can impact your life!